Sunday, July 30, 2017

stalemate

nothing to write about-
    or maybe too much
        redundancy day in-
                       day out

gray, grey, gone
     my skull is concrete
       filled, pain inducing
          forgetfulness

I retreat back for solace,
      struggling to turn a
             feeling into words,
           staining invisible pages

gave living another try
     but it ain't for everybody,
              I'll exist on a path
                           beside it

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

it comes and goes

so what if I've become lazy?
I'm just so tired of the fight
I've grown friendly with apathy;
a comfortable constancy,
and though I always gave it my all
some would say I give up too damn quickly
it's so easy to forget
the resistance that I met

can't say that I miss
juggling personalities
of how and who ya gotta be
and always knowing what to say
but I have nothing left
and I'm running out of distractions
to get me through the day
I'm sorry it turned this way

here I go again
making excuses for myself
of why things have to be this way
stacking stone on top of clay
so I apologize in advance
if I have my reservations
with years passed and nothing earned
just compliments after the burn
I can't go through it again

my dedication
wasn't enough
it took the patience of a saint
dealing with the stress building up

my bones were breaking from the dead weight
buried my crushed body under 6 feet of blame
HEY!

I lost my bout with failure
but I swear I took it ten rounds
felt the sting of shame
as my body hit the ground
now I hide in my little bunker
where I'm weathering the storm
I promise things'll get better
just leave me alone

all I really know
is the bitterness comes and goes
all I really know
is the anger comes and goes

here I go again
making excuses for myself
of why things have to be this way
stacking stone on top of clay
so I apologize in advance
if I have my reservations
with years passed and nothing earned
just compliments after the burn
here I go again
making excuses for myself
of why things have to be this way
stacking stone on top of clay
so I apologize in advance
if I have my reservations
with years passed and nothing earned
just compliments after the burn
I can't go through it again

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

one more memory (a poem for joe)

~I'll never forget our time spent at the Apothecary~

if only those walls could talk they’d tell
tales of the savage howls and roars
among ‘woo’ boys and girls alike
while the holy green tube was ritually passed
for downing bottles of suds because sometimes
speed has everything to do with it,
oooOOOo0o0o- it was always saturday night,
that energy, that vibe, the kind of IT
you could only get from that place,
our run-down palace where we claimed to be kings
while cheering over stolen pork, fruit and wine like bandits,
we were the merry-men robbing the rich
and we shared the love, a steady flow, high spirits
that could lift even the most dour
up on euphoric clouds fueled with blissful melodies
as the clan embraced each other and emptied their lungs,
yelling wildly, letting out the pent-up us,
this is a place to be yourself,
bring us your weirdos, freaks, and outcasts,
all rejects welcomed
‘cause we all needed somewhere to find refuge for
the self we discovered on our journeys to places
where rugs serve as rafts, walls can be walked on,
dandelion’s spin wildly, closets become normal hang-out spaces,
and drink from bottomless cans of arizona green tea,
the place was a funhouse and
each room an entrance to a new world,
no one there to stop us from going-going-gone
on whatever trail our minds decided to hike
creating thousands of memories along the way
infusing them into our souls,
spending whatever magic this place had to offer
until the wells were tapped dry,
whatever is born must always die,
even this fantastical place,
we’ll look back always wanting
one more memory,
but it’s time we said goodbye

who I am

you came to me,
confided in me,
you were suffering from ignorance,
an ailment I had the cure for,
I withheld it for people
who don't really care about me or you,
only about self-preservation,
over someone who has been
with me throughout my life

at the time, I convinced myself
I was doing the right thing,
as I looked directly into your eyes and lied,
I think we can all agree at this point,
what had happened was inconsequential
compared to steps taken keeping it from you,
I will always regret it,
no matter what fantasy I make up about myself,
the truth will always be-
I am a betrayer