Wednesday, December 16, 2015

the empathy is strong with this one

I can't read in a
crowded room,
with anyone around me,
there could be absolute
silence
and I still
can't concentrate

I feel my attention pull,
the chatter of the brain
stringing me along
in multiple directions
all at once,
the energy a person
radiates is too
eye-grabbing for me
to focus on anything but
them

I'm not claiming to be
telepathic,
maybe I am, I don't know,
I can't read their thoughts
but I can feel the
brainwaves and emotions
emanating from
those around me,
to the point where
it becomes
intrusive

Sunday, December 13, 2015

rio grande (trip poems)

we walked down a desert path
in Big Bend,
covered from head to toe,
skin too fair for this southern
sun, blazing as the flesh
melted from my bones

we finally reached the
Rio Grande,
Chase immediately jumped in,
surprisingly enough, the
Toot crawled in second,
contaminating all the rocks
along the way with
his "Toot foot",
Pesky yelled, "Aww c'mon, Toot!"
out of  fear of contracting
the awful disease

I was hesitant,
haven't been in the mood,
could only think of
heading home,
tired of the desert, tired of
the south, this trip

so I stood on the side as
they splashed around having fun,
enjoying themselves,
cooling off in the
hot desert sun

shaking loose whatever was
up my ass,
I stripped to my boxers and
jumped in, enjoying the
time in the now
and
nothing else

toot's lost shoe (trip poems)

here's to you,
Toot's lost shoe

I didn't mean to let the
ocean take you,
just a playful prank gone
horribly wrong

thinking things through was
never my forte

placed slightly out of reach
of the oncoming tide,
relentlessly pushing
forward,
closer
and closer,
until it washes over his
shoes,
pulling them away

Toot turtled,
Turtle Toot,
Tootle

it was clearly up to me

pants hiked-up,
dredging through
the waves for his
shoes,
waves crashing into me
as I try desperately to
come to their
rescue, alas;
only one was
saved

with remorse, I
deliver the surviving shoe
to its owner, when Chase
calmly and collectively states,

"Tom, your shoes are washing away."

was this insta-karma?
did the ocean feel cheated?
was it not sated by
just one shoe?!

now my shoes in peril,
they make their descent,
without hesitation,
I dive back in, recovering
them both from
the merciless
sea

saturated,
I walked back to the car,
Toot mentions how
his shoes were
special,
"Can't find them in normal shops!"
and proceeds to throw the other in
the trash

I look back at him,
dripping with water,
sea-soaked chucks in hand,
I ask, "Why did you let them wash away?"
He simply responds,
"Fuck you, Tommy McKnight."

mount dana (trip poems)

we didn't get to climb you,
instead we took a trail
across the way

it was steep, air was thin,
drinking coffee before-hand
didn't help

we hiked, scrambled,
leaving toot behind as
Chase, Pesky, and I
managed our way up,
climbing, stumbling
over rocks 'til
we reached the
top

the view was wonderful,
snow capped mountains
calling out to me with
the whispers and howls
of winds,
caressing me,
telling me "this is it",
a friendly greeting from
the majestic earth
who is always looking out for us
providing us with
everything we need

we sat there at the top,
the three of us,
looking across to
beautiful Mount Dana,
enjoying the view,
eating trail mix,
feeling alive

cibola chasing spirit (trip poems)

heading through Cibola,
feeling groggy,
worn out,
no rest from unforgiving
rocky ground

with tired eyes
I glance out the window,
there I see a dog,
black and white,
pretty,
she raises her head from the ground
chasing the car as we drive by,
running along side,
tongue flapping in the wind
in a joyful expression,
we eventually drive
out of range

90 miles later...
after refueling our bodies;
the standard JCB
breakfast stop,
we exit the diner,
head back to the car,
that's when we saw her,
in the back of a red truck,
the Cibola Chasing Spirit
basking in the sun,
she recognized us
popping her head up
giving us a friendly,
"hello"

gas station clerk (trip poems)

kangaroo gas station
check-out girl;
not that much of a looker,
sweet, innocent,
car enthusiast

she was working
alone tonight,
starved for an
interaction,
I
did not deny
her

she rambled,
telling me about
some make or model car
her uncle under-sold

not knowing much about cars,
I was poor conversation

she didn't mind,
just wanted someone to listen,
sometimes that's all anyone
wants

she thanked me for it;
the conversation,
as I went on my way,
rejoining the others,
back on the road

Saturday, December 12, 2015

forgotten

at this point
I'm probably no longer
thought of,
a bad dream,
one that is forgotten the moment
it is over,
any meaning or lesson
lost with it

I am forgotten,
when life moves on,
new things, new experiences,
new people,
new mistakes,
old mistakes,
deliberate mistakes,
nothing learned, nothing gained,
only the high,
like a junkie
always looking for
that next
fix,
stuck caught up in
chasing the dragon

I am forgotten,
because I need to be,
it would be impossible
to continue life the way you desire,
my thoughts, my memories,
they weigh too much
for one so weak,
easier to forget,
easier to leave behind,
easier to not be burdened with the
responsibility

I am forgotten
because I am resented,
an incorruptible stone in the river,
worn from the water washing into me
but standing strong in its current,
resented for following narratives,
comprehending what I saw,
questioning the inconsistencies,
eventually causing you to
reflect upon yourself;
the revelation that made you
sick

I am forgotten
because I got to know you
I am forgotten
because I introduced you to yourself
I am forgotten

my computer

this thing I use,
it's alive,
it exists...
and only exists
to break my balls

it moves files,
changes settings,
deletes things I need

I am being gaslighted

unfortunately,
I need this machine,
this tormentor of my life

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

we go our separate ways

those that have died,
on earth, to me,
although it is
necessary,
I miss them,
all of them

I miss the past we share,
the laughs and fun times,
the connection we had,
the connection that was
lost,
the once upon a time
when we could
get along
before having to go
our separate ways,
some of them going
peacefully,
others with more
confrontation

I don't get what I want,
I don't have it my way,
my way is loving,
colorful, no shades of grey,
no death, just life,
happiness; the illusion,
the long sought after
dream,
not the reality

I wish I could change
the way things turned out,
the dark, ugly paths
we eventually took,
direct them to brighter ones,
direct them to sunshine and warmth,
no bridges would burn,
all paths would stay
connected

I wish I didn't have to
say goodbye,
mourn and move on,
to go ahead with my life with
another person missing from it,
it's difficult,
lonely

I can seem cold,
unforgiving,
I'm just calloused,
hard surfaces developing
over many old wounds,
protecting them from
being reopened, keeping
the memories of pain
locked away

I'll miss them all,
those that have died,
on earth, to me,
there is no difference,
it is the same,
I no longer have
the privilege of knowing them,
nor they me

Saturday, December 5, 2015

ballhangers

that lack of pride,
lack of shame,
lack of dignity,
groveling for a chance,
the chance of tasting
sweet glory

misplaced love or affection
blanketed in layers of deceit
manipulating the road ahead,
switching road signs until
all roads lead to them

their enemies unaware
of their feud, unprovoked,
ballhangers annihilate
any opposition with their
unwarranted compliments
feeding the ego of their muse,
bombarding attention,
offering tainted advice
always attempting to
further their own goals,
defaming those that
happen to be in their way,
using tools of villains
while claiming to be
 a "good guy"

they seem pathetic,
they are,
but they hold more power
with the strings they pull
than the rope that ties
two people together,
if left alone,
eventually
the rope wears,
eventually
the rope gives

Friday, November 20, 2015

i'm an innocent man

you held the trial for my crimes
behind closed doors,
allowing me no representation,
gathered a tilted jury
and a biased judge
incapable of seeing
the counter-argument,
either through their agenda
or lack of evidence disproving
the half-truths you tell,
it was there you decided
my fate, unable to
defend myself from
your accusations,
I stood outside helpless,
two months of waiting
for a verdict when
I realized there
were no chains
binding me to this
unfair hearing,
I walked away a free man,
leaving your absurd
allegations behind

Thursday, November 19, 2015

the eyes of horror

in this old beat up town
lies a terror
a terror yet to be seen
in this old beat up town
death awaits us
dark shadows lurking

mysteries of occult activity
malicious eyes are watching
entangled in a web of murder & intrigue
I can feel darkness growing

I must be losing my mind
reality becoming a blur
falling deeper into darkness
it swallows me whole
it's written on the walls
in blood they spell our doom
unfathomable creatures
they're coming for us all

in this old beat up town
lives an evil
an evil waking
in this old beat up town
plans set in motion
it's the end of all things

mysteries of occult activity
malicious eyes are watching
entangled in a web of murder & intrigue
I can feel darkness growing
an overwhelming dread
a ritual of death
the fear has taken control

I slip into madness
as I witness the impossible
helpless to stop it all
I stare into the eyes of horror
death and destruction
lie in their wake
there is no hope, it's too late
sanity is lost as
I stare into the eyes of horror
I slip into madness
as I witness the impossible
helpless to stop it all
I stare into the eyes of horror
death and destruction
lie in their wake
there is no hope, it's too late
sanity is lost as
I stare into the eyes of horror

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

grow up

patience of dealing with
impractical adults
at an all-time low,
adults who want things
but unwilling to
do what it necessary,
unwilling to sacrifice,
adults who sound like
children whining and
acting out, throwing
temper-tantrums
if told the truth
or the reasonable
not able/willing to face
what is necessary
to fix their problems,
this hypocritical nature
is venomous,
with my patience gone,
I can no longer cater to it

Friday, November 13, 2015

daily reminders of you

every day
I am reminded of you

whether it's a play of Matilda
or the ice-skating rink at city hall

I try to forget
but life won't let me

and when I'm reminded
of our time together

I'm also reminded
of the pain I'm in without you

these memories
they are cruel

Thursday, November 12, 2015

tattoos in the workplace

something seems strange,
I can feel it in my gut,
they scream discrimination,
when all I see is indoctrination,
crying it's because their skin
whether its green, red, purple or pink

something seems strange,
the idea has been lost,
identities being robbed,
stolen by the conformed,
they dictate what's right or wrong
it didn't exist until they came along

we should all have tattoos
how else would we know what you're into?
it means a lot to you
to advertise what ya like
the things you watch and buy

when the norms take over
the counter-culture
they demand tattoos in the workplace
they demand tattoos in the workplace
let's co-opt and make some trends
ditch the ideals attached to them
and demand tattoos in the workplace
and demand tattoos in the workplace

when pop culture sets its sights
be ready to let go,
they'll take everything you hold dear
and claim it as their own,
they'll twist everything you love,
warp it beyond any recognition

we should all have tattoos
how else would we know what you're into?
it means a lot to you
the video games ya play
some internet quote or anime
when the norms take over
the counter-culture
they demand tattoo's in the workplace
they demand tattoo's in the workplace
let's co-opt and make some trends
ditch the ideals attached to them
and demand tattoos in the workplace
and demand tattoos in the workplace

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

drop of a hat, flip of a dime

she did it again,
I fell for it... again,
while the guard was asleep
she slunk her way by,
back into my life,
whispering lies
as I danced to the melody
of her melodramatic tune,
entranced by her words,
ready to climb the long stairway
of trust and commitment

she is handicapped,
lacking a will of her own
she used her two crutches;
fear and confusion,
so I carried her
up the stairs

each
   step
      more
      arduous
               than
                    the
                       last

my body aching,
my mind racked,
my will tested...
yet unshaken

pure determination
with no help from the
one-hundred pounds of
pessimistic dead-weight
littering the stairs before us
with oil slicks and banana peels
in which I navigated carefully,
though, inevitable to
slip and fall

it was then she saw
another man walking up the steps,
fresh and full of energy from
only carrying himself,
without hesitation
jumped into his arms
leaving me laying there
buried in excuses,
left with her crutches
which she didn't
seem to need anymore

unable to walk from the fall,
I picked them up,
no longer fear and confusion
but now anger and hatred,
I used them as I hobbled
back down the steps
cursing all of the
banana peels and oil slicks
along the way

Thursday, October 1, 2015

worthless

I have lost myself
within walls of sorrow,
a box I can't seem to escape
as they spread further apart
I'm not sure where it begins or ends

Expectations and delusions commonly
intertwined and thrown at me
in the form of a fireball
catching me aflame,
burning me to the core,
I thrash around in pain
while being told I'm not
acting like myself

I am a conflicted man

No matter where my desires lay
they seem to be out of reach,
Simple or complicated,
close or far away,
I reach out for a help
only to find
apologetic letters
that were never written,
feeling worthless as
I stare at blank pages



Thursday, May 21, 2015

venus man-trap

little,
sweet and innocent,
harmless,
endearing words
pour from her mouth
suffocating the
mind of people
gullible enough
to listen

you'll never know the truth,
it is impossible to escape

this woman
came from Venus
to be the fly-trap to man-
seducing her prey with
her beauty, her promises,
his interests
become her interests,
inducing him into
a complete
bliss

in this euphoria,
the victim is unaware
of the jaws slowly
enclosing...

SNAP!

posing as something
wonderful, she
hides her
true nature,
masks how
dangerous she is,
for if exposed,
her power
would be
futile

the thought of
her exposure is
futile

once engaged-
men are helpless,
under the spell,
toxins running
through their veins
corrupting their minds,
they lose sight,
not believing stories
that aren't hers,
being led slowly
towards impending
doom

always starved for more,
she never fully
digests her meal,
the process is
long,
painful...
not deadly

she only drains
the energy
of whatever poor sap
falls for her
siren's song , then...
lets him go,
no longer
needing him
until he is
rejuvenated,
however;
the poison remains
in his blood,
drawing him
back to
her

this is why
she is never sated-
always needing another man,
and never, ever,
short on supply

Monday, May 18, 2015

thunderstorms

sweet thunderstruck
sounds of virginia close to
midnight- pitch black,
white flashes of
terrifying light
interrupts my
reading as I
stare out the
window

not really scared
as much as
entertained

water crashing down
on asphalt, that
nostalgic aroma
fills my nostrils,
remembering
all heavy rain
simultaneously

the heat finally broken
with the coming
of the storm,
I sit comfortably
writing this,
taking down
another
memory

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

emptiness

you weren't the first woman to break my heart,
with any luck you will be the last...
whether it's because I bump into that
special someone,
or I never bother with the idea again

sadness is normal,
so is loneliness,
I am both
and
I am not,
I am nothing,
I feel nothing...

only loss

I keep having dreams
where everything is normal,
we're laughing about something,
enjoying each other... happy,
when I wake up
I suffer the realization
that you're gone,
again
and
again

I saw you in the
nothingness of space,
radiant with glowing stardust,
you shined through signaling
to pull you in, burning in
the atmosphere you
crashed into me,
a tremendous impact,
leaving a crater which
will never be filled

I'm not sure what lies ahead of me,
it's too soon to tell how I'll feel,
but something tells me
I'll never fill that hole,
the desire just isn't there,
I'd rather be empty

love can be easy, it should be

this tightness in my chest,
I fucking hate this,
will it go away this time?
time,
it heals all they say,
I disagree... now,
but time will tell

I just don't get it,
meanwhile completely
understanding,
that's the part she never
understood

I DID know where
she was always coming from,
her anxieties and fears,
assuming they weren't
bullshit,
were completely understandable,
if we mess it up this time
it might be over
for good

I failed
to ease her of them,
she failed
to overcome them,
never believing
what I had to say,
too simple for
someone so
complicated...

convoluted

so in her fear of fucking up,
she fucked up,
the story is so obvious,
so cliche,
the questions; pointless

I think the biggest problem
was I actually had her in mind
when trying to help,
no hidden agenda,
just her well-being,
I guess when you're used to
everyone having a plan,
manipulating[even unintentionally]
my advice must have felt like
empty gestures

but with life being so hard,
already so difficult,
why are we complicating
the parts that should
be easy?

our love, if genuine,
was all we needed,
I expected nothing
outside of that

nothing extraordinary...
only trust and love

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

the end of us

you have betrayed me,
I'll leave the dagger
in my back as a
reminder,
a symbol for our
relationship,
I leave it there because
the wounds you left
will never heal anyway

maybe I don't want them to

this wasn't just a passerby,
stranger in the night,
it was a best friend, 
someone with whom
I shared a part of
my soul,
now I am left
incomplete
with a piece ripped
from my body,
a chunk of my mind
lost,
forgotten,
a phantom limb,
forgetting it's no longer
functional

it had to be cut loose...
there was a cancer spreading
so I reluctantly removed
what was killing me,
what was already dead

please understand this.
I found no joy in it...
I did not win...
 
the future seems bleak
without you, the past
always looking brighter,
at least the good times;
the laughs, the passion,
our long talks,
holding you in my arms,
your scent,
the energy we exchanged
and the warmth I felt in our
hearts

I'll always miss you
...my idea of you

my burdened woman
who is no longer a
burden to me

I like to think
that, maybe- with time,
we could try it again
when you are ready,
It hurts to remember
we can't...

never again...

we built our house
on a beach,
it was beautiful,
comforting,
until the storm rolled in
and we were washed away,
swallowed by the sea,
gone

we will be lost to each other,
letters in bottles are unlikely
to be found in vast oceans,
all will be written with
the same message-

luhv





Tuesday, March 31, 2015

everything falls through

nothing ever works out,
things can never be easy

I find myself constantly
swimming upstream,
the current is too strong,
it eventually takes me

I
can't
go on

tired of putting effort into things
for them to fall through,
hitting the ground, crashing
into a million different reasons

I'll never figure out
why people are so
difficult and complicated

too much tv probably

I play the game but
the game is rigged,
impossible for me to win

I'm too tired anyway

my wants and goals are
very simple, too simple
for people who
want everything

I can never be enough

Sunday, March 22, 2015

the serious epidemic

this is the apocalypse

the dull plague,
it's catching on,
infecting everyone

I pity them

can't help but to wonder
if they're aware of the misery
that has become them,
what exactly they see
when they stare back,
if any thought echoes through
their skulls before the same
ol' tune leaves their mouths

I think I know what they see

a reminder of
what they were,
what they long for,
it causes them
pain

so they destroy
and spread their
sickness

I thought I was immune
but I feel myself slipping,
becoming someone else,
memories gone,
ideas lost,
the spark has vanished,
as our kind continues
to die off,
everything
turns
grey

must remember who I am

wear the mask while
lifeless eyes are watching, 
don't lose yourself underneath

as years go by,
only they will be left,
the soulless shall
inherit the earth,
minds vacant,
shuffling around with
cold bones and still hearts,
killing any and all
individuality
until it is
extinct

the replacements

you pompous frauds
patting each other on the back,
so progressive, so modern

I call it new-age mob mentality

sixty years ago it would have been you
while I remain the same

you jump on the tail end of a movement
that seeks not to change but to be accepted
in a toxic construct and expect applause

high-five while
flexing your muscles,
displaying new power
over old,
bending and twisting
the will of others

watching,
listening,
dictating,

you've become the problem