Tuesday, November 14, 2017

the selling out

you first saw them live playing in some beat up dive
you clung to the scene so you could socially survive

but it was alright, it was okay
we stuck it to the man the whole way
getting shitfaced and singing along
screaming how their old structures are wrong
we were changing the world with each song

how could it be an anarchist lands a record deal?
and how the hell could she abandon all her ideals?

if you don't understand, it's okay
just down another beer
live another day
go to college, get your degree
get a career
start your next phase
make room for the next kids to take the stage

it's so strange
how these rules don't apply both ways
their accused for making the same money you're paid
and you never really believed the things you said,
'cause...

you woke up the next day to be on time for your job
you woke up the next day to be on time for your job
you woke up the next day to be on time for your job
you woke up the next day to be on time for your job

so how could you understand
when "it is what it is" and "you have to do it in the end"
and if you can make excuses why can't they?
when you're both looking forward to your payday
take some time, hear what I say
we're selling out together everyday

 ~
We're among them-- and when we finally give up we become them!
We're living on borrowed time here.
Every minute of our life is a minute we steal from them!
You see them out there. You know that when we die-- we become them.
 You think we hide behind scenes or songs to protect us from the selling out!
Don't you get it?
We ARE the selling out!
~

Thursday, October 26, 2017

the wicked

you're addicted to the sensational,
fictional reality consuming your mind
where you can't accept you might be
at fault for this consequence
neglecting your guilty conscience

I hear- your voice-
ricocheting in the skull void
through the static, white noise
feeling your desire to destroy
I see- you lean-
the cupped hand, sideways look scene
spewing shit is the routine
and I'm sick of feeling stuck in between

I know I'm in your sights!

misdirection- manipulation-
a magician for twisting situations
ya putting in loads of dedication
to the narcissist's handbook of defamation

I know I'm in your sights!

they follow me around, yeah
wearing on my nerves, the wicked never take a rest
I'm better off keeping my head down
to stay alive in this part of town
to stay alive in this part of town

I can't control these wicked souls
not sure why I bother 'cause
I know, it's all for the show
always in the spotlight ready to go

I know you're wicked
and I've got ya in my sights!

they follow me around, yeah
wearing on my nerves, the wicked never take a rest
I'm better off keeping my head down
to stay alive in this part of town
they follow me around, yeah
eyes over shoulder, I'm sick of straining my neck
I'm better off keeping my head down
to stay alive in this part of town
to stay alive in this part of town
to stay alive in this part of town

Saturday, August 26, 2017

why do the smallest dogs have the loudest bark?

how is it?
we're all trapped in a funnel
in the undertow of your life
you're at the bottom pulling everyone down
to your tragic daily strife

there's no light
at the end of this tunnel
it's blotted out from your lies
you like it dark so it's harder to detect
the insecurities ya' try so hard to hide

like a vampire sucking us dry
the nature of how you survive
you say anxiety's the reason why
it activates when your ego's jeopardized, yeah

so you hate
and create a sob story for bait
to get the attention you crave
you rally banner men under your flag
allies for your pity crusade

well I reject and I distance
the only thing I can do
only way I can avoid
this poison- you flood into our veins,
I'm left with no choice
drain the blood or succumb to toxic influence
 
like a vampire sucking us dry
the nature of how you survive
you say anxiety's the reason why
it activates when your ego's jeopardized

well I reject and I distance
the only thing I can do
only way I can avoid
this poison- you flood into our veins,
I'm left with no choice
drain the blood or succumb to toxic influence

how is it?
we're all trapped in a funnel
in the undertow of your life

Sunday, July 30, 2017

stalemate

nothing to write about-
    or maybe too much
        redundancy day in-
                       day out

gray, grey, gone
     my skull is concrete
       filled, pain inducing
          forgetfulness

I retreat back for solace,
      struggling to turn a
             feeling into words,
           staining invisible pages

gave living another try
     but it ain't for everybody,
              I'll exist on a path
                           beside it

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

it comes and goes

so what if I've become lazy?
I'm just so tired of the fight
I've grown friendly with apathy;
a comfortable constancy,
and though I always gave it my all
some would say I give up too damn quickly
it's so easy to forget
the resistance that I met

can't say that I miss
juggling personalities
of how and who ya gotta be
and always knowing what to say
but I have nothing left
and I'm running out of distractions
to get me through the day
I'm sorry it turned this way

here I go again
making excuses for myself
of why things have to be this way
stacking stone on top of clay
so I apologize in advance
if I have my reservations
with years passed and nothing earned
just compliments after the burn
I can't go through it again

my dedication
wasn't enough
it took the patience of a saint
dealing with the stress building up

my bones were breaking from the dead weight
buried my crushed body under 6 feet of blame
HEY!

I lost my bout with failure
but I swear I took it ten rounds
felt the sting of shame
as my body hit the ground
now I hide in my little bunker
where I'm weathering the storm
I promise things'll get better
just leave me alone

all I really know
is the bitterness comes and goes
all I really know
is the anger comes and goes

here I go again
making excuses for myself
of why things have to be this way
stacking stone on top of clay
so I apologize in advance
if I have my reservations
with years passed and nothing earned
just compliments after the burn
here I go again
making excuses for myself
of why things have to be this way
stacking stone on top of clay
so I apologize in advance
if I have my reservations
with years passed and nothing earned
just compliments after the burn
I can't go through it again

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

one more memory (a poem for joe)

~I'll never forget our time spent at the Apothecary~

if only those walls could talk they’d tell
tales of the savage howls and roars
among ‘woo’ boys and girls alike
while the holy green tube was ritually passed
for downing bottles of suds because sometimes
speed has everything to do with it,
oooOOOo0o0o- it was always saturday night,
that energy, that vibe, the kind of IT
you could only get from that place,
our run-down palace where we claimed to be kings
while cheering over stolen pork, fruit and wine like bandits,
we were the merry-men robbing the rich
and we shared the love, a steady flow, high spirits
that could lift even the most dour
up on euphoric clouds fueled with blissful melodies
as the clan embraced each other and emptied their lungs,
yelling wildly, letting out the pent-up us,
this is a place to be yourself,
bring us your weirdos, freaks, and outcasts,
all rejects welcomed
‘cause we all needed somewhere to find refuge for
the self we discovered on our journeys to places
where rugs serve as rafts, walls can be walked on,
dandelion’s spin wildly, closets become normal hang-out spaces,
and drink from bottomless cans of arizona green tea,
the place was a funhouse and
each room an entrance to a new world,
no one there to stop us from going-going-gone
on whatever trail our minds decided to hike
creating thousands of memories along the way
infusing them into our souls,
spending whatever magic this place had to offer
until the wells were tapped dry,
whatever is born must always die,
even this fantastical place,
we’ll look back always wanting
one more memory,
but it’s time we said goodbye

who I am

you came to me,
confided in me,
you were suffering from ignorance,
an ailment I had the cure for,
I withheld it for people
who don't really care about me or you,
only about self-preservation,
over someone who has been
with me throughout my life

at the time, I convinced myself
I was doing the right thing,
as I looked directly into your eyes and lied,
I think we can all agree at this point,
what had happened was inconsequential
compared to steps taken keeping it from you,
I will always regret it,
no matter what fantasy I make up about myself,
the truth will always be-
I am a betrayer

Sunday, December 11, 2016

all these scenes are pretentious

on your soapboxes pontificating
talking at each other without listening
picking out whatever suit fits the best
choose your stance
let the tailor figure out the rest

accusations leading to fights
arguing without any insight
two alike minds alone in a room
can't find compromise
looks like we're all doomed

if they could just agree none of this matters bu

the rhetoric passed through groups with
a million faces all warping their truths,
it's all just to feel right, it's all just to feel right
stepping on each other for a righteous high-ground
enjoying the view while looking down,
it's all just to feel right, it's all just to feel right

can't shake this feeling this all stems
from an inferiority complex
all this crying, the victimization
a sorry attempt at domination

majority rules, now you're the new lords
death to those find fault with your royal concord
spilling their blood, a demonstration of strength
another casualty on your path to omnipotence

if they could just agree none of this matters but

the rhetoric passed through groups with
a million faces all warping their truths
it's all just to feel right, it's all just to feel right
stepping on each other for a righteous high-ground
enjoying the view while looking down
it's all just to feel right, it's all just to feel right

well guess what?
they won!
while you were all at each others throats!
they won!
while climbing social ladders!
they won!
while silencing your neighbors!
they won!
and they'll win again and again and again
and they'll win again and again
and they'll win again and again and again
and they'll win again and again
so get used to losing

Thursday, December 8, 2016

ode to my punk rock queen

I've been told before life doesn't get easier,
couldn't understand and never bothered cracking the meaning,
the script continues, playing itself out
to late nights, drugs, booze and spilling soul
until it the haze and static clears and no one is left,
there's no scene to accompany my madness,
all things go the way of the wind
and we're left with nothing but the characters of ourselves,
where the most paper-thin parts of a personality
are louder than the noise we make,
discs forever locked within jeweled cases
forcing us to stare at the cover,
messages diluted in the stream of time
collected and bottled to be sold back to you
making any point you've ever made futile

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

hidden doorways and other worlds

rainbow walls, parallel on peripherals,
splitting the once whole into
a right and a left and between them
an infinite middle- it draws you in
crashing into the oncoming kaleidoscope,
spiraling through the opened door,
passages to other dimensions,
not linear but everywhere,
flat to protrusive pathways
blending with its surroundings

sit back and close two of your eyes,
drift and let go,
be lost,
understand that you don't understand

stop searching and allow yourself to be found by
incomprehensible beings conveying existence
through not any distinguishable language- but feeling,
open yourself up and hear their message;
everything is moving to a rhythm,
it's a beautiful dance
usually still for our own sake,
beneath our solid, concrete logic
reminding us to just be