Wednesday, December 16, 2015

the empathy is strong with this one

I can't read in a
crowded room,
with anyone around me,
there could be absolute
silence
and I still
can't concentrate

I feel my attention pull,
the chatter of the brain
stringing me along
in multiple directions
all at once,
the energy a person
radiates is too
eye-grabbing for me
to focus on anything but
them

I'm not claiming to be
telepathic,
maybe I am, I don't know,
I can't read their thoughts
but I can feel the
brainwaves and emotions
emanating from
those around me,
to the point where
it becomes
intrusive

Sunday, December 13, 2015

rio grande (trip poems)

we walked down a desert path
in Big Bend,
covered from head to toe,
skin too fair for this southern
sun, blazing as the flesh
melted from my bones

we finally reached the
Rio Grande,
Chase immediately jumped in,
surprisingly enough, the
Toot crawled in second,
contaminating all the rocks
along the way with
his "Toot foot",
Pesky yelled, "Aww c'mon, Toot!"
out of  fear of contracting
the awful disease

I was hesitant,
haven't been in the mood,
could only think of
heading home,
tired of the desert, tired of
the south, this trip

so I stood on the side as
they splashed around having fun,
enjoying themselves,
cooling off in the
hot desert sun

shaking loose whatever was
up my ass,
I stripped to my boxers and
jumped in, enjoying the
time in the now
and
nothing else

toot's lost shoe (trip poems)

here's to you,
Toot's lost shoe

I didn't mean to let the
ocean take you,
just a playful prank gone
horribly wrong

thinking things through was
never my forte

placed slightly out of reach
of the oncoming tide,
relentlessly pushing
forward,
closer
and closer,
until it washes over his
shoes,
pulling them away

Toot turtled,
Turtle Toot,
Tootle

it was clearly up to me

pants hiked-up,
dredging through
the waves for his
shoes,
waves crashing into me
as I try desperately to
come to their
rescue, alas;
only one was
saved

with remorse, I
deliver the surviving shoe
to its owner, when Chase
calmly and collectively states,

"Tom, your shoes are washing away."

was this insta-karma?
did the ocean feel cheated?
was it not sated by
just one shoe?!

now my shoes in peril,
they make their descent,
without hesitation,
I dive back in, recovering
them both from
the merciless
sea

saturated,
I walked back to the car,
Toot mentions how
his shoes were
special,
"Can't find them in normal shops!"
and proceeds to throw the other in
the trash

I look back at him,
dripping with water,
sea-soaked chucks in hand,
I ask, "Why did you let them wash away?"
He simply responds,
"Fuck you, Tommy McKnight."

mount dana (trip poems)

we didn't get to climb you,
instead we took a trail
across the way

it was steep, air was thin,
drinking coffee before-hand
didn't help

we hiked, scrambled,
leaving toot behind as
Chase, Pesky, and I
managed our way up,
climbing, stumbling
over rocks 'til
we reached the
top

the view was wonderful,
snow capped mountains
calling out to me with
the whispers and howls
of winds,
caressing me,
telling me "this is it",
a friendly greeting from
the majestic earth
who is always looking out for us
providing us with
everything we need

we sat there at the top,
the three of us,
looking across to
beautiful Mount Dana,
enjoying the view,
eating trail mix,
feeling alive

cibola chasing spirit (trip poems)

heading through Cibola,
feeling groggy,
worn out,
no rest from unforgiving
rocky ground

with tired eyes
I glance out the window,
there I see a dog,
black and white,
pretty,
she raises her head from the ground
chasing the car as we drive by,
running along side,
tongue flapping in the wind
in a joyful expression,
we eventually drive
out of range

90 miles later...
after refueling our bodies;
the standard JCB
breakfast stop,
we exit the diner,
head back to the car,
that's when we saw her,
in the back of a red truck,
the Cibola Chasing Spirit
basking in the sun,
she recognized us
popping her head up
giving us a friendly,
"hello"

gas station clerk (trip poems)

kangaroo gas station
check-out girl;
not that much of a looker,
sweet, innocent,
car enthusiast

she was working
alone tonight,
starved for an
interaction,
I
did not deny
her

she rambled,
telling me about
some make or model car
her uncle under-sold

not knowing much about cars,
I was poor conversation

she didn't mind,
just wanted someone to listen,
sometimes that's all anyone
wants

she thanked me for it;
the conversation,
as I went on my way,
rejoining the others,
back on the road

Saturday, December 12, 2015

forgotten

at this point
I'm probably no longer
thought of,
a bad dream,
one that is forgotten the moment
it is over,
any meaning or lesson
lost with it

I am forgotten,
when life moves on,
new things, new experiences,
new people,
new mistakes,
old mistakes,
deliberate mistakes,
nothing learned, nothing gained,
only the high,
like a junkie
always looking for
that next
fix,
stuck caught up in
chasing the dragon

I am forgotten,
because I need to be,
it would be impossible
to continue life the way you desire,
my thoughts, my memories,
they weigh too much
for one so weak,
easier to forget,
easier to leave behind,
easier to not be burdened with the
responsibility

I am forgotten
because I am resented,
an incorruptible stone in the river,
worn from the water washing into me
but standing strong in its current,
resented for following narratives,
comprehending what I saw,
questioning the inconsistencies,
eventually causing you to
reflect upon yourself;
the revelation that made you
sick

I am forgotten
because I got to know you
I am forgotten
because I introduced you to yourself
I am forgotten

my computer

this thing I use,
it's alive,
it exists...
and only exists
to break my balls

it moves files,
changes settings,
deletes things I need

I am being gaslighted

unfortunately,
I need this machine,
this tormentor of my life

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

we go our separate ways

those that have died,
on earth, to me,
although it is
necessary,
I miss them,
all of them

I miss the past we share,
the laughs and fun times,
the connection we had,
the connection that was
lost,
the once upon a time
when we could
get along
before having to go
our separate ways,
some of them going
peacefully,
others with more
confrontation

I don't get what I want,
I don't have it my way,
my way is loving,
colorful, no shades of grey,
no death, just life,
happiness; the illusion,
the long sought after
dream,
not the reality

I wish I could change
the way things turned out,
the dark, ugly paths
we eventually took,
direct them to brighter ones,
direct them to sunshine and warmth,
no bridges would burn,
all paths would stay
connected

I wish I didn't have to
say goodbye,
mourn and move on,
to go ahead with my life with
another person missing from it,
it's difficult,
lonely

I can seem cold,
unforgiving,
I'm just calloused,
hard surfaces developing
over many old wounds,
protecting them from
being reopened, keeping
the memories of pain
locked away

I'll miss them all,
those that have died,
on earth, to me,
there is no difference,
it is the same,
I no longer have
the privilege of knowing them,
nor they me

Saturday, December 5, 2015

ballhangers

that lack of pride,
lack of shame,
lack of dignity,
groveling for a chance,
the chance of tasting
sweet glory

misplaced love or affection
blanketed in layers of deceit
manipulating the road ahead,
switching road signs until
all roads lead to them

their enemies unaware
of their feud, unprovoked,
ballhangers annihilate
any opposition with their
unwarranted compliments
feeding the ego of their muse,
bombarding attention,
offering tainted advice
always attempting to
further their own goals,
defaming those that
happen to be in their way,
using tools of villains
while claiming to be
 a "good guy"

they seem pathetic,
they are,
but they hold more power
with the strings they pull
than the rope that ties
two people together,
if left alone,
eventually
the rope wears,
eventually
the rope gives