Monday, April 28, 2014

have we met before? probably not.

I had that dream again,
you know, the one where
your teeth fall out?
they say that dream means
you're lacking in confidence
about something in your life,
"what are you not feeling
confident about?", she asked,
honey, if I answer that
we'd be here all night

I want to cry, I can't,
instead my chest tightens up
and all I can do is hope that
somehow I can be put out of my misery,
I see no future for myself,
how could there be?
who would put up with this?
I'm defective,
the McKnight model seems to have
a major malfunction,
god oughta recall it
back to the factory

I am isolated from humanity,
disconnected, not by choice,
the only thing I can do is mask it,
put up the facade,
make people laugh,
if they're laughing maybe
they won't be able to tell
how strange I am, different,
that I don't even know how
to hold a conversation,
yeah this is good,
I'll just create
a character for myself,
this way I don't risk
anyone actually getting to
know me

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

you're living for one reason

"I had a few days off and just didn't
know what to do with myself!
I couldn't wait to go back to work!"
have you tried living?
I heard it can be a blast

you call me a loser for not having a job,
I take it as a compliment,
you can have that opinion,
even if it is planted by someone else,
just regurgitate that idea
from one mouth to the next
until your taste buds are numb
from the gross toxic shit
you've been spewing

this is reality,
what is?

I don't think you're groveling enough
for that paycheck,
I'm paying good money here!
how dare you not suck me off
and make sure you get that tongue
nice and deep into the asshole

is a whore someone who
is paid for sex specifically
or someone who just does something
degrading for a sum of money?

money money money moooooooonayy

Forgive me,
I shall not speak your name in vain

I will make it my life's purpose
to obtain as much of you as I can,
bless me with your presence,
grant me the power to
buy things that are unnecessary,
provide onto me food that
ninety percent of the ingredients are chemicals,
my body is only mortal,
your legend is eternal,
there is no other way of life other than
bowing in worship to you
for you choose who is worthy,
banish infidels with drone missiles
or to a life of making
garments for your loyal followers,
they are not worthy of our
sodium fluoride drink,
tear down forests,
we demand production,
with every tree that is crushed
your lord becomes more powerful,
there is no room for nature in our world,
praise our lord or be thy enemy,
swear onto money that
you will murder in its name,
that you will cheat, steal, and lie,
you will blanket yourself in greed,
for only the greedy shall be blessed,
do not love each other,
only love money,
there is only money,
money is all you can trust,
make dollars not sense,
free your mind of any other thoughts,
your mate shall be chosen for you,
reproduce in the name of money,
money requires your offering,
be resourceful for money,
do not worship any false money,
put money before everything else,
free yourself from your heart and soul
and you shall not be forsaken

does this please you? am I still a loser?
your guidelines on how to live,
the subconscious mutters these thoughts,
taught from birth and practiced throughout life,
I choose not to listen

friends shaking hands sayin', "how do ya do?"

is this really happening?
the essence of what ran through my mind
as her spit-soaked hand was rubbing my cock,
it felt weird...emotionally,
something we could both agree on
as we stopped to laugh
at the situation we put ourselves in,
can't speak for her but
it wasn't a negative feeling,
maybe just too much too soon,
she is incredibly sexy,
something I always thought anyway,
but seeing her BE sexy was
something I couldn't wrap my head around,
we've been friends for a long time,
up until now I never thought anything
like this was even a possibility,
when did it start brewing?
needless to say I had placed myself
under copious amounts of pressure,
I was short of breath, paralyzed,
cautious as if it was my first time,
nervous as hell, uncomfortable,
my imagination was running wild
and don't even get me started
on the insecurities

I wonder what she was thinking,
if she noticed how tense I was,
she's not the type to talk about things
so I thought it was best not to even
comment on what just happened,
I doubt I ever will,
though the experience was overwhelmingly strange,
I didn't want her to stop,
her hand felt better than most pussies,
maybe because I wanted it more this time,
if only I could have calmed down,
I wonder if I was at fault,
did I make it weird(er)?
if the vibes I was giving off were anything
like what was going on inside my head,
then it's very likely,
I guess I shouldn't worry about it,
next time I'll be better prepared,
if there is a next time

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

literary soldier

standing in front of the audience,
exposed, vulnerable,
with the exception of a chest pounding bear
and a microphone, he is alone,
people watching, people judging,
he doesn't let it get to him,
how does he do it?
how is he not fumbling every word?
losing his place? buckling under pressure?
he stands confidently next to the bear,
his heart spilling from his mouth,
maybe I'm imagining it,
that bear,
maybe it's just a reflection of himself,
the courage it takes to do what he's doing,
I wonder if anyone else sees it